There are many contributory factors that go into making us the way we are, from the way we look, the way we think, the way we interpret the world around us, the way we read other people’s signals, the way we feel emotionally, the way we make choices and all that and more influences and effects how we behave.
Changing behaviour is not easy, it’s a long and slow process that takes a genuine desire to change with the motivation to keep going when it would be much easier to revert to old familiar behaviours.
Perpetrators of abuse will have various levels of insight into their behaviour or the consequences of it, ranging from those who have very little insight but once it is brought to their attention, they want to change through to those, who know but don’t care.
For many perpetrators their behaviours are entrenched over many years so unpacking them and undoing the damage all the contributory factors have created is not something most people can do on their own. They will need to seek professional help.
To find a local accredited Perpetrator Programme via www.Respect.org.uk
The first steps to genuine behaviour change are recognition and acceptance
Without recognising there is a problem and accepting that your behaviour is negatively affecting others, creating fear or causing harm and distress the process cannot begin.
The next steps are commitment and humility
Perpetrator programmes are usually made up of a 2- or 3-hour session once a week for approx. 22 – 26 weeks so it is a big commitment. The programme is split into modules, the content in each module will be challenging; it will force individuals to look at themselves and their behaviours up close and that is not easy. It takes humility to succeed in changing behaviour.
The last steps are being genuine and open minded
Unless the reason for wanting to change is completely genuine and driven by internal motivation it won’t work. If the only motivation is external, should that motivation change for any reason or not seem as important anymore, all motivation will be lost, and drop out, returning to old behaviours. Equally, for some, it may be necessary to distance themselves from friends or family members that are not supportive in their choice to change so everyone must go into the process of change with an open mind; how far are you willing to change external influences to create successful internal change?
I believe, with the right intervention and support, perpetrators can change.
